Meeting a new partner: Dating tips

MEETING PEOPLE IS NOT ALWAYS EASY, so where can you go to find that great love of your life? Ideally we’d all prefer to be swept off our feet and know right away that we’ve met “the one,” but it doesn’t usually happen like that. Sometimes you need to be proactive and “plan” to meet new people by putting yourself in the right place at the right time.

We tend to make friends and lovers most easily when we’re young, mainly because the majority of young people move around in a crowd. School, college, and local friendship circles are all avenues for love. However, when we’re young early love affairs tend not to last too long. And by the time we’re ready to move on, the cozy, compact community of young friends may well have dispersed. This means that the older we become, the harder it tends to be to meet new lovers in a natural, spontaneous manner. In addition, there are always a few incredibly shy people who long for love but who have been unable as yet to bring themselves to make the social moves necessary in order to date.

If you find yourself in a situation where you’re looking for love but you don’t necessarily meet enough new people—or the right types of people for you—try to think of meeting new partners and dating as a social system. You will need to make a conscious effort to think about where to meet a potential new partner—remember, this planning in advance does not in any way diminish the quality of the new relationship if and when you form one.

Where to meet people

Parties are frequently a good way to meet people—it’s through these social events that you will often meet other like-minded people. If there aren't many parties, then you could go to bars and clubs instead. Get used to initiating conversations, but don’t take it badly if someone doesn't seem interested. It may take several attempts before a person recognizes you as being “special,” particularly in a noisy environment.

Where you choose to seek your meetings will obviously influence the type of people you are likely to meet. For example, if you decide to frequent the local bars and clubs, then you will meet other people for whom bar or club activities are a focus. If, on the other hand, you choose to go to the social occasions at the nearest institution of scientific learning, then you will meet mostly intellectual types. It makes sense, therefore, to spend a little time on working out just who ideally might suit you—the bar and club scene isn’t for everyone, and you’re more likely to find a suitable partner if you meet people with interests similar to your own.

Agencies, classifieds, and the Internet

If you don’t know where to start looking for a mate, or live miles from a town or city, a dating agency would take some of the hard work out of the meeting process. Most local newspapers carry classified ads for such agencies, and there is usually a variety to choose from. Do some research here so that you opt for the agency most likely to suit you.

Classified advertising columns also carry advertisements from individuals. Sometimes listed as “Lonely Hearts,” these are also found in most local newspapers as well as in regional and national magazines and newspapers.

The Internet is packed with online dating agencies. To access some of these, type “matchmaker” into your search engine. A lot of sexual services will appear, but there are also relationship groups for men and women wanting to speed up the dating process. Please be aware that the virtual person you are “dating” may turn out to be quite different from the person he or she claims to be.

Develop conversational skills

Some people find it easier than others to communicate well and to lure a mate with their deft verbal skills. Life coaches generally agree that the individual who shows interest by asking questions, listening carefully to the replies, giving feedback, and showing concern will do best at making new friends. If you are shy or a poor communicator, you might need to practice your conversational skills by trying out a few simple techniques with a sympathetic friend. Take heart in the fact that very shy people can and do learn how to navigate the reefs of dating. 

To develop empathy, try to put yourself in the place of the other person during a conversation and concentrate on what they are thinking rather than what you are feeling.

Dating Tips

IT’S OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE to feel safe in both a physical and an emotional sense when dating, so bear in mind a few basic rules:

1. Be selective in your choice of hunting ground and match your target to your goal, particularly if you’re looking for a mature partner and have long-term plans in mind.
2. You can only make your best impression if you feel comfortable, so plan to meet your date at a place where you feel relaxed.
3. For safety reasons, don’t give your address to someone you don’t know, make sure that you can get home safely at the end of the evening, and tell a friend where you are going. Alternatively, take a friend along on your first date.
4. Make sure that you listen as well as talk when you’re on a date. Conversational skills and empathy are both important when it comes to attracting a partner. Remember to ask questions to indicate you’re interested in knowing more.
5. Take things slowly and remember the golden rule: if you’re not comfortable with something, then don’t do it.

Author: ANNE HOOPER